Expert answer:Peer Review an Essay with the specific requirement

  

Solved by verified expert:Peer Review this essay posted below in a different colorComment on at least ONE STRENGTH, using specific detail.Choose to comment on at least FOUR of the five key topic areas.
For EACH of the four key topic areas you’ve selected, provide at least ONE significant and detailed suggestion for improvement OR significant and detailed alternative suggestion (another way they mightapproach a particular area). Five Key Topic AreasMain Claim: Is the main claim arguable? (Would some disagree with it? Is it sufficiently clear and focused?)SubclaimsDo the subclaims fully support the main claim? Are all key aspects of the main claim addressed by the subclaims?Are each of the subclaims, clear and complete statements? Are each of the subclaims arguable, meaning they require evidence and reasoning to defend them?Do the subclaims logically support the main claim? (A test: Read only the main claim and subclaims and see if a complete and logical argument is represented.)IntroductionDoes the introduction begin with an engaging opener?Does the introduction provide necessary context?Does the introduction logically lead to the main claim, providing necessary information so the reader can understand the main claim and why it’s important?Essential Skills for Academic Essays: Embedding Quotations, Paraphrases, and SummariesAre the ideas of the sources portrayed accurately?Are accurate in-text citations used?Are signal phrases used for all quotations?Are all quotations explained?Do signal phrases flow grammatically with the rest of the sentence? Is unnecessary information left in quotations that should be edited out?Are quotations unnecessarily long?Essential Skills for Academic Essays: Other ElementsAre key authors introduced with appropriate and necessary information (without being too lengthy)?Are the first and last names of authors used the first time they are referenced in the essay and only their last names thereafter?Does the counterargument address a concern a reader is likely to have?Does the rebuttal respond logically and convincingly to this counterargument?Do you spot any logical fallacies that the author doesn’t address?Have all instances of “you” been eliminated from the essay?Are there areas where the meaning is unclear due to grammatical or mechanical errors?Are commas and periods placed inside of quotation marks when they are next to each other?
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Al Rubaie 1
Batoul Al Rubaie
Professor Trina Larson
ENG 124
March 31, 2018
Mass Incarceration
Incarceration is a very serious problem in the United States, which keeps
increasing in alerting rates because of the large number of prison admissions related to
drugs and most drug prisoners are people of color. This phenomenon is destroying
families and creating an unjust opportunity gap, which affects African Americans in
particular. Therefore, the criminal justice system should change its ways in solving this
problem and that is by treating drug users as patients who need help instead of
criminalizing them, so the problem of incarceration and unequal treatment can be solved;
hence, families can be healed. Drug crimes are one of the main reasons of imprisonment
in the United States. According To Jonathan Rothwell, Former Brookings Expert, in his
article, “Drug Offenders in American Prisons: The Critical distinction between stock and
flow” He explains, “Recently and for the most part drug related crimes are the main
reason for increasing incarceration rate in the United States. From 1993 to 2009 a large
number of drug abusers were imprisoned. Furthermore, drug crimes exceeded admissions
caused by other types of crimes” (2). Rothwell shows how drug crimes are developing
the problem of incarceration that only increasing and getting worse when he said, “In
1993 to 2011, there were three million admissions in to prisons for drug use.in the same
period, there were 30 million arrests for drug use” (5). All these shocking numbers are
calling for a quick and effective solution.
Al Rubaie 2
Most prisoners incarcerated for drug crimes are generally people of color. Based
on William J. Wilson, a nonresident senior fellow at Brookings, in his article “The Other
Side Of Black Lives Matter”, he explains “More broadly, it is clear that the effect of the
failed war on drugs has been devastating, especially, for black Americans (…) blacks are
3 to 4 times more likely to be arrested for drug crimes, even though they are no more
likely than whites to use or sell drugs. Worse still, blacks are roughly nine times more
likely to be admitted into state prison for a drug offense” (5). This shows that black
people are often accused of selling or using drugs because of a false stereotypical image
built by discrimination, which does not apply in most cases. Furthermore, these numbers
are very high and will surely show the serious reality of mass incarceration and
encourage society to advocate for change in the measurements by dealing with drug
related crimes and help the people, who have been affected.
Families and communities, especially African Americans who live in poor inner
cities are affected negatively by this phenomenon. Based on Wilson’s article:
Segregation by income amplifies segregation by race, leaving low-income
blacks clustered in neighborhoods that feature disadvantages along several
dimensions, including exposure to violent crime. As a result, the divide
within the black community has widened sharply. In 1978, poor blacks
aged twelve and over were only marginally more likely than affluent
blacks to be violent crime victims—around forty-five and thirty-eight per
1000 individuals respectively. (1)
Also he adds, “The thousands of poor grieving African American families whose loved
ones have been killed tend to be disregarded or ignored, including by the media” (3).
Al Rubaie 3
That shows how opportunity gaps affect people who suffer from low income, which
places them in dangerous places that have high crime rates. Despite their suffering, they
are mostly ignored by the media. Therefore, they received no help to solve their
problems, so they will be highly likely to get incarcerated.
Drug crimes need to be treated as a public health problem, for drug users must be
put in treatment centers in order to reduce incarceration and protect communities.
According to Dr. Ross, a practicing pediatric, at the 2017 YMCA of San Diego MLA
Breakfast, he explains the dangers of narratives and how they shape choices and then
prevent society from accomplishing social justice, which what happened with the crack
cocaine problem when the Nation’s policy response was based on a narrative which is
known as “three strikes and you’re out”, Which criminalizes a health problem instead of
building up rehabilitation centers and offering a drug addiction treatments the nation
policy response was building up prisons and treating drug users as criminals (09:32). That
shows how the problem grew bigger because of the wrong ways to solve it. Furthermore,
in John F. Pfaff, a professor of law, in his article, “Escaping from the Standard Story:
Why The Conventional Wisdom on Prison Growth Is Wrong, And Where We Can Go
From Here” he compels:
First, drug arrests may not result in incarceration, but they can disrupt the
offender’s life (relationships, employment, etc.) in ways that may lead to
future criminality: a future burglary or aggravated assault could be the
product in part of the social disruption from a prior drug arrest. Second,
drug arrests and convictions increase a defendant’s criminal history,
resulting in tougher sanctions or treatment for future non-drug offenses.6
Al Rubaie 4
Third, prohibition itself can lead to violence and other crimes, whether by
destabilizing drug markets, by increasing the returns on illegal activity, by
making it harder to treat drug addiction as a public health problem instead
of a criminal one, etc. (5)
Therefore, by incarcerating drug users instead of putting them in rehabilitation centers
makes the problem worse. Also drug users would become even worse when they are
incarcerated, and this would affect their lives negatively. Moreover, this makes it difficult
for them to go back into society and lead a normal life.
Some argue that drug crimes are not the main cause of incarceration as Pfaff
states, “That drug crimes are not as important as other more serious crimes” (1).
Therefore, he pays less attention to them. However, that is the very reason that there has
been an alerting increase in drug crimes. They are treated firmly yet not solved properly
because there is less attention given to them, which created the phenomenon of the war
on drugs.
As the points shown above, which suggest that incarceration is a very serious
problem in the United States which is increasing in shocking rates because of the large
number of prison admissions related to drugs and most drug prisoners are people of color.
This phenomenon is destroying families and creating an unjust opportunity gap, which
affects African Americans in particular. The nations policy response to this occurrence is
to criminalize a health problem, which only made it grow bigger. Therefore, the criminal
justice system should change its ways in solving this problem by putting drug users in
treatment centers not prisons: by doing this, these people would be treated, and they can
go back into society and lead a normal life.

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